Transcendance in a World Full of Noise

So I’ve been on a bit of an evolutionary curve this year. I’m still not at the end of it – possibly I never will be – but as we head towards the end of it, it strikes me that 2013 in particular has a transformational year.

Several things have conspired to make this happen.

I have been on a spiritual journey of personal evolution for some time. One that has prepared the ground for the planting of some incredibly important seeds. Prompted partially by broken down relationships in my 20’s that left me wondering ‘who the hell am I’. Prompted partially by childhood baggage that I absolutely did not want to continue carrying around. Prompted partially by a sense that there was something ‘important’ and even ‘transcendent’ that I came to this planet to do, and that I needed to figure that out stat and make it so. Prompted partially by the discovery of my passion for storytelling and of a story I knew I had to evolve the capacity to tell in ‘The Magic Library’.

It brought me the age of 40, where I had finally (at long last, and after many years of struggle) begun to manifest some of the things I thought important. I finally had a sense that perhaps I had reached the tipping point where my life would go from being ‘small game’ to allowing me to play the ‘big game’ I knew I was here to play.

Then, in February, my father died – a ‘reality slap’ of epic proportions. One that shone a bright light on the role he still played in my identity and sense of self. My faith in myself and life collapsed. My sense of purpose evaporated. His death made me realise, in a way I never did when he was alive, just how fundamental he was to my sense of who I was. In short, almost everything I did was in some way defined by my relationship to my dad. Granted, in my case, it was generally in opposition to what he wanted (sorry dad), but that doesn’t make him any less a core part of the process.

You see, I had been having a ‘life debate’ with my father since I was old enough to remember talking. It was about whether life was inherently ‘good’ or inherently ‘bad’. I argued that life was inherently good – one of possibilities, one where we create the world around us and we are responsible for our reality. One where we don’t have to settle for second-best. One where the things we hate most about the world – war, greed, destruction – didn’t have to be the way things were. My dad argued the opposite – that humanity was inherently greedy and selfish. That bad things just happened. That it was every man for himself, because ultimately no one else would give a shit what happened to you – outside of your family and the ones who loved you. That I should get my head out of the clouds and deal with the world the way it was. Get a job. Get money. Be safe.

I was adamant that I would show him, using my life as the guinea pig, that he was wrong. Then he up and died on me, man. Got cancer and died before I could finish my lifes-argument. Which sort of, when you look at it, gave him the last word.  Proving to himself by dying within six months of a runaway cancer where everything went wrong, his own point. What the hell. I’ve been dealing with the irrational anger that has unlocked all year.

Simultaneous to this, Tony Abbott became Prime Minister. Some of you might be asking, well what does that have to do with anything. In the narrative of my life, it is unbelieveably pertinent. Because Abbott and the Coalition for me represent (on almost every indicator) the world view that is most to blame for what is not working on our planet today. It is a paradigm that has helped us create incredible wealth for a few people, and created a culture of self-interest and greed that has fractured communities and destroyed the biosphere. Abbott is the kind of man my dad was talking about when he said, some people are just greedy and in it for themselves. My dad disliked Abbott. He would have hated the idea of him being Prime Minister.

The worldview that men like Abbott espouse however is also – paradoxically – a world view in the process of collapse. I think there is no longer any doubt that we are in the middle of a transformational societal change. Old systems are collapsing as the world view that sustains them collides with the reality of a finite planet.

In the beginning, all I wanted to do was post article after article ranting about the terrible decisions the Coalition has made since coming into power. And I did post a few – sorry about that. I could list even now all of the unimaginably horrifying choices they have made. Some are in the paper today. Things that I know would make my like-minded friends blood boil and send us all into fits of despair on the stupidity, self-interest, greed and blindness of political conservatives and their rich corporate mates.

Then I realised – this is the Coalition. They are behaving in accordance with their world view. A world view that is limited. A world view that is wilfully blinding itself to the science and facts. A world view in the process of collapse. It may not be the last hurrah, but the last hurrah isn’t far off. Their world view cannot stand. It will not stand. Sooner or later, like all paradigms that crumble under their own unsustainable weight, the Tony Abbott’s, Murdochs, and Andrew Bolts of the world will find the ideology they’ve pinned their fragile identities to crumbling under the unstoppable weight of evolutionary and societal change. My father wasn’t entirely wrong – there are people in the world who are driven by greed and love of power. Bad things do sometimes (often) happen.  

But I was right too, and even Australia, as conservative as it is, will eventually have to face the music.

This has helped me feel less angry. But more than that – it has helped me realise just how important it is now – more than ever – for me to commit to growing my own capacity to play my ‘big game’. And every chess piece is exactly where it needs to be both on a personal and global level for this game to play out.

Perhaps I am embracing my inner Zen, but even this conservativist backlash, even my father’s death, has a role to play in this new world we’re creating. I'm trying to sit with this thought now and allow it to show me what I've been missing or not seeing while struggling against the noise.

I had something of an epiphany the other day during a meditation I was doing.  I was trying to relax and ‘transcend’ and find that sweet zone, when I realised that transcendence isn’t the absence of irritants. (Which in my case was an itchy arm, an prickly ear, a tickle on my toe, noise I couldn’t escape and a brain that wouldn’t shut up). Transcendence is the acceptance of the irritants. And as soon as I had that thought, that beautiful space opened up in my mind giving me a fleeting glimpse of the transcendence I sought.

I think life is like that. This year my dad (who I adore) died, and Tony Abbott (who I abhor) became Prime Minister of my country. I won’t play my 'big game' in spite of these things. I'll play it because of them.

Just a thought.