Thursday 13 June 2013

Yes Virginia, I do believe in God.

WARNING: Long blog post
Okay… this is big day for me. After much thinking and deliberation, I’ve decided to come out. Yes, it is about time that I stopped hiding what those very close to me know but few (if anyone) knows in its entirety. Yes it’s time to come out as a … gulp… spiritual person.
Brace yourselves my beloved friends and readers because…  I…  believe… in God.
(Hides)
(Peeks out)
Still with me?
I don’t mean the Christian dogmatic God of coming apocalypses, hell-fire speeches, long white beard and big white hands type God. Nor Heaven of paved gold, mountains of hell fire God.
Actually, it’s more akin to the Buddhist or Shamanic tradition of a great unified spirit. And the Gnostic tradition of God is us and we are God. It’s a big word and a cumbersome one, because it comes with so much baggage and so much history that it is almost impossible to say to someone, “Yes, I believe in God” and not have them immediately judge you as an idiot or associate you with a hundred things that have nothing to do with what you actually think. Or simply look at you like they’re trying to understand why two great big ugly horns just grew out of the side of your head. Because quite often the opinion that you’re faced with in return is ‘well, there is no God… no life after death so you can believe whatever silliness you want (you suddenly crazy person that I had mistaken for normal), but that’s just about the beginning and end of it’.
It’s tempting when faced with that type of reaction to water my own opinion down – explaining it into meaninglessness in a sort of half-mumbled, wary embarrassment. Trying to use language that won’t offend or find common ground to build bridges and open minds. Well, I’m not going to do that here. I’m going to say it unambiguously: I believe in God.
(Hides)
Only kidding. Pull up a chair.
Let me go further to clarify because it actually does just come down to this – I believe that life continues in some form after death. Yes, I think we are more than just a biological machine. I think there is a larger, more essential part of us that exists, that we can tap into in life and that continues after our transition through death. I believe in spirit guides. I believe in guardian angels – or at least in those helpful universal energies that we give names to (whatever they may be) who are accessible at the edge of our consciousness and provide answers I could never provide for myself when I sit still long enough to listen. In my time as a Reiki practitioner (there’s another thing some of you didn’t know about me), I have experienced lots of those moments.
Recently someone said “It’s funny how people who don’t believe in Santa Claus can still believe in God”.  I understand why a belief in God would look the same as a belief in Santa when looked at from a certain point of view. Santa Claus is a big imaginary white man with a beard. God is a big imaginary white man with a beard. Both make as much sense viewed through a certain prism. How can rational people not believe in one and then believe in the other?
A lot of the  people nearest and dearest to me are atheists, so I understand this point of view. They are wonderful, awesome people and I have no problem with them believing differently to me. The problem comes when it’s assumed that I agree (not by them necessarily, but by others).
It can also be problematic when it becomes challenging and scary just to come out and say: “hey… I’m spiritual, I believe there’s something more out there, I think differently about this.”
That’s why it’s coming out day. No more hiding behind my atheist friends. No more avoidance of the topic on my blog or talking about things in round-about ways. No more half-embarrassed mumbles or simply avoiding speaking my truth.
I, Vicki Kyriakakis being a generally bright person, in full possession of my faculties, with a lot of innate wisdom and a functioning, rational mind do hereby declare myself to be spiritual.
(Phew…. That was something. Think I need a drink.)
Now here’s the thing, trying to talk about this stuff always ends up feeling like you’re about to walk into a linguistic trap of your own making. It’s a little like the mistake some atheists make when they compare belief in God to belief in a Big Flying Spaghetti Monster – thereby trying to draw attention to the ridiculousness of both. I assert that this is a false equivalence. Deep and honest spirituality has really nothing in common with big flying spaghetti monsters. It might make some feel superior about themselves and be a quick way to make fun of the God-botherers, but the comparison is faulty. Let me explain a bit more.
Chris’s son recently asked me if I was religious. I said no. But I am spiritual. He wondered what the difference was. Great question. Super impressive question from an 8 year old. And there is in fact a  difference – quite a big one.
My answer to him was that religion, for me, was about dogma – a set of beliefs and rules as determined by someone else (often restrictive and dated). Whereas spirituality was a lot more personal and more about how you turn up in the world. (My take).
Frankly, the  restrictive dogma that defines a lot of religions is not for me and has always grated. Spirituality, as I experience it, is much more about grounded, personal, connected  truth. It is more about connection, growth and health and less about a list of things I need to fall in line with or set of things I might believe. (It’s also the reason, by the way, that I’m pretty wary of a lot of New Age mythology and its Atlantis, Lemurian, Pleiadian believing dogma).
I should also clarify that I don’t write this to open up a can of worms. I’m not really out to convince anyone else to believe as I do. Nor am I interested in justifying myself to anybody’s satisfaction. I don’t think it’s a subject that can be easily discussed intellectually, actually. And that’s not because it’s a matter of faith rather than science.
It’s because spirituality is HEART work. Not HEAD work.
We try to understand and prove/ disprove it with our heads and words and language when it largely doesn’t exist in that realm at all.
Creativity and Education guru Ken Robinson puts it beautifully in his famous TED talk:
“As children grow up, we start to educate them progressively from the waist up. And then we focus on their heads. And slightly to one side. If you were to visit education, as an alien, and say “What’s it for, public education?” I think you’d have to conclude… the whole purpose of public education… is to produce university professors. Isn’t it? … But they’re rather curious, and I say this out of affection for them. There’s something curious about professors in my experience – not all of them, but typically – they live in their heads. They live up there, and slightly to one side. They’re disembodied, you know, in a kind of literal way. They look upon their body as a form of transport for their heads, don’t they? It’s a way of getting their heads to meetings…”
Now I don’t quote this to suggest that Ken Robinson is spiritual. I have no idea if he is or not. Or that university professors are all essentially dead from the neck down. I know a lot of them, and all the ones I happen to know are awesome.
I quote this because he hits on a problem that isn’t unique to university professors but to mainstream culture at large. And that is, that it is the cultural norm to approach everything with the head (and slightly to one side) and to devalue wisdom that comes from other sources.
That’s not to devalue the intellect by the way. Our intellects have gifted us with amazing things. But for me, that’s not where the answers for spirituality lie. The answer to the question of ‘Is there a God’ comes in moments of creativity, of body work, of breath work, of meditation, of stillness and no-thought, of mindfulness, of connection, of nature. The answer is there for me. And for me that answer is always ‘Yes’.
(If you want to listen to that extraordinary talk by the way, I can’t recommend it highly enough: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY)
As a culture, I think we’ve reduced ourselves to being mostly heads, using our bodies to get our heads from one place to another. We think everything can be understood or experienced from this narrow prism. I don’t think it can.  A big part of why meditation is so successful in improving health is because it shuts up that part of you that chatters ceaselessly, that part of you that you think is actually you but isn’t, for just long enough that something else can find space to breath, connect and discover new perspectives.
It’s a big part of the reason why (for me) people like Richard Dawkins will always get it wrong when it comes to answering the question “why are people religious or spiritual”. What I’ve read of his work (and granted, I haven’t read much as he grates)… but what I’ve read seems to put forward a fairly limited perspective on a journey that he has never taken, steps he has never climbed and a way of being that he has never personally opened himself up to, tried or experienced.
So I’ll state it again, for me: spirituality is HEART work. Not HEAD work.
By all means, connect with your own heart and go on an experiential journey of your own. Discover what resonates as true to you. Use language that works. I don’t think you don’t have to believe in life after death to benefit from a health spiritual life.  A sense of wonderment is really all that is required and a commitment to go where connection with whatever you think that thing is that I call ‘spirit’ takes you, and that’s available to anyone. That is also what I mean by spirituality is not religion.
But where you won’t find it is in a lab. It’s not something we can put under a microscope and pull apart into pieces and say, yes, here is how it works… we have the physical evidence now. We cannot prove or disprove it by experimenting with it under laboratory conditions. Some would say that is evidence that it’s all in our minds. I would say that it’s only accessible when you empty your mind, put aside all you think you ‘know’ about what life is and how it works and what is possible and impossible, and simply open up to BE. Amazing, unexpected and incredible perspectives and experiences are available in that space.
Spirit for me is about connection to life. And life never ends, but merely changes form. I have personally found nothing in the mechanistic way of looking at life that helps me meet life’s emotional challenges, be the best person I can be, take responsibility for myself, challenge my own perspectives, create healthier beliefs, manifest the life and love I want, uncover my inner truths, or discover my inner wisdom. All things which have brought incredible richness to my life that I would be much the poorer for lacking.
People like Stephen Hawking and Richard Dawkins have at different times put spiritual belief down to a weakness of the human mind. A reaction that is born from the horror of facing the fact that one day we might cease to be.
My dad died earlier this year, so I know this horror intimately. And yes, it’s something that is hard to deal with. But for me spirituality was not born from that. Nor have I rediscovered it out of that horror. The spiritual path is not the path of a coward.
On that contrary, a spiritual journey takes true courage, the willingness to meet challenges head on, the fortitude to look deep into the truth of yourself and face all inner demons with eyes wide open. It promises incredible growth but also more than one dark night of the soul.
It’s also been a fact in my life that some of the most inspiring, optimistic, healthiest and happiest people I’ve met in the world have all been spiritual teachers. In fact, there is so much richness in their teaching – so much wisdom – that I wish the benefits of that wisdom were available to everyone regardless of their beliefs. The fact that so many are shut off from it through a belief that ‘I don’t believe in God’ or ‘those people don’t have anything valuable to say to me’ is truly a sad thing.
The mechanistic world view gives me nothing to compare to that.
Our insistence since the advent of the Industrial Revolution of viewing everything as merely a sum of its parts, and ourselves as separate from each other, and nothing as connected has not led us to a happier, healthier world. It has created, in my opinion, a dysfunctional paradigm that is threatening everything around us – even the planet we live on. Only now are scientists starting to question that paradigm – and the evidence is starting to amass in quantum physics, the medical field, sustainability and more.
(By the way I’m not suggesting the latest science ‘proves’ God… only that it has challenged profoundly the idea of our separateness, and proves that we are more deeply and intricately connected that we have thus far allowed ourselves to acknowledge).
So on this other stuff about life after death and angels and things…. what if I’m wrong – what if at the end of my life, I simply finish and no part of ‘me’ exists. Well – for one thing, I won’t be anywhere where anyone can go ‘na-narni-na-na’. But in the meantime, I find a richness and a way of being in the world that truly brings out the absolute best in me, and a way of looking at the world that life continuously affirms for me as true.
So I would ask therefore before anyone poses the question: “How could you believe in God?” or makes the assumption that spirituality = irrationality, consider that it is about far, far more than that single, limiting question.
Yes Virginia, I do believe in God. And I believe God is life. Like literally – life. And life is us. And we are, in the most fundamental  way, all one. (Use the Force Luke). And what I do to someone else, I do to myself. Because you are me and I am you and all life is connected. And life doesn’t end. It merely changes. And whatever I change into at the end of all of this – whoever happens to be right about the question of what happens after we die - surely that’s pretty much moot point as long as we’ve lived our lives well?
Why waste time arguing, when we can share wisdom, exchange life views, delight in difference and revel in the fact that on a quantum level, you and me and all of us are all part of one big, undifferentiated, undivided primordial soup.
Viva la quantum particles!
Just a thought.

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